In darkness

There is pain

There is beauty

And there is light.

_____________________________________

 

Honestly, I wanted to start off by saying: I’m sorry.

 

I’m sorry this isn’t a happy post.

I’m sorry that I am not strong today.

I’m sorry you might read this.

 

I paused, then thought: Should I be sorry?

The truth is we all have had dark days. People who have experienced Lyme, illness or tragedies of any sort have MANY dark days and no, they aren’t the times you see us out in public. The times we smile and say, “I’m doing better” while small pieces of our hearts crumble knowing it’s far from the truth.

They are the moments behind closed doors suffering pain so deep it drives stakes through our hearts and leaves hundred pound weights on our souls. It’s the type of pain that inflicts sadness on our spirits and anger towards our loved ones, then, leaves us with plagued with defeat and hopelessness. They are the moments struggling to hold on to find strength to continue and often wishing the next day wouldn’t come.

I say we, because I am not the only one who has experienced this and I/we are not alone. I refuse to be sorry or feel shameful for a disease (or circumstance) beyond my control and so should anyone else. There are highlights in my days I plan to share more of, but lately before I can fully enjoy these moments they leave me silenced by the brutality of Lyme disease.

I believe as a community, as friends, family, or even strangers on social media, we can help each other through these dark times together. How am I so sure? Because of YOU. Because of you and everyone who has been a part of my 2+ year journey now. Big or small, you help motivate me. You and the memories of the “good days” are what keep me fighting to reach the light at the end of this dark tunnel.

Thank you. Thank you for keeping me strong and for making me stronger.

xox

Lex